how can u be prego again
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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