Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
