Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
