Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
