where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
