i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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