Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
