tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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