i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
