You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
