HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
