Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
