Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
