True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
