I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
