We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
