i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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