I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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