So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
two words...techno handjob
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize