I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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