Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
