Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
