theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
