Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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