Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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