What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
