every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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