2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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