The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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