I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
