It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
