Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
