if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
