I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
