i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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