i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize