and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
