I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
