At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
