Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
