You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
