HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
