I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
