Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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