The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
