Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
