So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
