Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
