she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize