Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize