Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
