White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize