do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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