batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
