Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
