What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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