what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
