Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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