I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
