I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
