Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize