i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The power of my boobs compel you
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
