quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
