She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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