I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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