It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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